DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
