Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
