The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
