We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
