i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
