Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
