i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We're too hungover to prance.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
