You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
