perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
