the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
