In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
