so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
