I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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