one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
