I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
