i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
