just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
