She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
