Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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