I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
