If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
