I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
