Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
