i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Someone signed my nipple.
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