Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
