FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
