where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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