yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
