Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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