Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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