you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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