i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
