I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
