i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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