Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
