i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone shit on the floor
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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