she smelled like a LAN party
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
