better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
