We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
