Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
