I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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