i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
