When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
