Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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