I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
