i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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