when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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