Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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