Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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