when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
