Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
