Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
