i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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