I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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