Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
