I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
