I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
