And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
