It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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